Sometime overnite, my niece took her life. She leaves her husband and a little girl who just turned 2 in August, and 3 other children from a previous marriage. I suppose due to her youth, she allowed her life to get out of control concerning the 3 children who lived with their father. All day everyone around us has asked why would she do such a thing. We'll never know just what pushed her over the edge but we will always wonder what could I have done to help her. But she didn't share with us and give us a chance. Hold your loved ones close...you just never know.
I, too, am sorry for your loss.
But, I am even sorrier that you and other are beating youselves up over this.
It may be cold comfort, but from what I have read, there are basically two types of suicides:
1. Those who are crying out for attention, but don't REALLY want to "end it all". They are the ones who make a big deal out of what they are going to do, tell all their friends, neighbors, and relatives of their plans, etc.
2. Those who fully intend to "end it all". They very seldom say anything to anybody, give no indications that the thought has ever entered their mind, and just quietly do it.
Those who fall into category 1 can often be helped.
Those who are in category 2 are beyond help, because nobody ever knows there is anything wrong until it is too late. If they don't leave a note, there is no way to know what the problems were.
There are, of course, ALWAYS exceptions.
"But she didn't share with us and give us a chance." You said it yourself. There is nothing you could have done. That knowledge does not lessen the pain, I know, and it does not lessen the thinking "But, we SHOULD have known!"
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Mowermech, #2 exactly, however she did leave a note which we havent seen yet because the sheriff's dept has it,but the deputy did say that basically it said "I can't take anymore". She had no idea how badly she was going to hurt so many people. Seeing her husband sit there yesterday like he was in a daze, working on his 4th pack of cigarettes of the day when we left. Seeing her mother arrive yesterday and it taking all her strength to walk in to that house. And she's cheated her children out of ever having a chance to build a relationship with her. I know its wrong, but I'm kinda mad at her right now. Lots of questions and no answers.
One of my uncles committed suicide years ago (after he shot his ex-wife, but that is another issue). IIRC, he said nothing, left no note, just did it. I remember my mother, and all the other aunts and uncles saying "We should have known, we should have helped!" But, they couldn't.
Perhaps that is why I have read about it like I have...
It is quite probable that she DID know the hurt she was going to cause, but her own pain outweighed the hurts of others.
It is my sincerest hope that everybody involved recovers their equilibrium very soon, and nobody else allows what happened to drag them into despair.
i am now on my 3rd suicide that i personally have known the person and family closely. my words are harsh
i feel its is the easiest way out for them. and the lowest cr*piest way to ruin the family.
i feel no sadness for the person that does it, only for the family that now has to deal with the abruptness of their departure. i also feel the letters usually left are absolutely worthless. all they do is add insult to injury. most of the ones i have read simply tear into the family and provide little or no remorse for their actions.
i put suicide right there next to drunk driving.
if they had actually cared about their family or themselves. they would have gotten help to get out of it. they didn't care, so why should i?
go take care of her family, they are vastly more important then she ever will be.
im sorry i speak so direct, i'm sadly becoming a expert on this stuff
I am agreeing with all of you. I don't think she consciously meant to 'hurt' her family. And how did she leave that 2 year old sleeping in her crib and go outside and kill herself??? Her husband has been thru so much pain in the last 2 years. In Dec. 2009, he lost his grandmother, the afternoon of her funeral, his grandfather died. In the fall of 2010, his uncle died, and then in March of this year, he lost his dad. I'm really worried about him. How much more can he stand? Did she not think about what she was doing to him? It is such a selfish thing. And the saddest part is that all this may have been prevented (perhaps???) with a few hundred dollars.
Sorry to hear about your loss.No one can understand or will ever know.Only God knows.Selfish?That is correct.In the passed 2 yrs we have had been too 4 wakes,which all were suicides.The youngest was 25.Three of them from the outside looking in appeared that they were doing great,and had a great life.IMO Life is to short to end it yourself.Its so easy to get down and slide into depression,with all thats going on in this world.We all exspect so much,but should be thankfull for what we have.When your down and out stop and count your blessings!We all have them!
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Our school just lost a 12 yr old to suicide because of cyberbullying. I can't understand why the parents would let a 12 yr old suffer from that damned computer...Look what Budd Dwyer, Pa State treasurer, did some years ago. Shot himself in a news conference. Very traumatic on the witnesses and family.
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