anaro
Mebane, NC
Senior Member
Joined: 01/16/2011
View Profile
|
Long story short. Dh's dad was out of his life from when he was 3 yrs old until about 2 yrs ago. (I'm really glad they are making their peace and getting to know each other). His dad and stepmom are trying to make up for lost time by being overly extravagant with gifts. I tell them not to but they don't get the hint. Ok, I can be very grateful that they give my daughter 9 very elaborate and expensive gifts for christmas but it really is more than I want my DD to have and they don't have the money do to this. The bigger problem is they are very heavy smokers (the kind that light up in a nonsmoking house w/ kids and someone allergic to smoke knowing it isn't allowed and then wait for you to kick them out). The smoke is so bad that the box the gifts were in hit you with a wave of cigarette smoke when opened. The gifts themselves reek of cigarette smoke. I hope they air out soon. My allergies are going nuts and I'm not really sure I want my 4 yr old playing with toys that reek of cigarette smoke. Am I being truly ungrateful or is it just to much to ask to not send my child cigarette smoke covered gifts and maybe cut back a little on how much you give? Thanks for letting me rant. Ok flame retardant suit on.
on edit: corrected # of gifts to my DD to 9 and also adding, just found out they gave DH a $435 nascar driving experience for his present. This is his dream present. I just wish I could have given it to him instead.
* This post was
edited 12/21/11 09:14pm by anaro *
2009 Ford F250 Lariat Crew Cab 6.4L diesel 4WD
2011 Crossroads Zinger ZT26BL
Reese Dual Cam
4 nights camped in 2013!
21 nights camped in 2012!
27 nights camped in 2011!
|
msmith1199
Central, CA
Senior Member
Joined: 10/07/2001
View Profile
|
I've never heard of a smoker being so rude that they would light up in a non-smokers house. I've never even heard a story like this. I think if somebody did that in my house they would get one warning. The next time they did it they may get a shot from a fire extiguisher to the face. That may give them a little incentive not to light up.
2004 National Tropi-Cal T-350, Class A, Triple slide, 330 HP Cat DP.
2006 Dodge Dakota 4x4 or
2002 Harley FLSTF Fat Boy on a Trailer or
2004 Polaris Quad on the Trailer
|
Old-Biscuit
Across the USA
Senior Member
Joined: 06/20/2009
View Profile
|
I'm a smoker and I DON'T smoke in our 'house' cause GF doesn't smoke.......
Someone pull out a cig they won't be lighting it up inside.....a kind NO-NO first time. Second time they attempt would be a 'memorable' moment for them.
No excuses excepted....family, friend, stranger.
As for the gifts......I would tell them thank-you. Unfortunately your chain-smoking has made them smell and our DD can't be around that. Sorry but we can't accept them.
Of course the DH should be expressing the above thoughts/sentiments to his parents......without HIM setting the boundaries YOU will be the 'reason'
Have a long hard talk with DH and set the boundaries with him first.
|
Jim Shoe
Amelia, OH
Senior Member
Joined: 02/06/2004
View Profile
Good Sam RV Club Member
|
I, too, am a smoker. I don't smoke in other people's homes that don't smoke. If I want to smoke, I go outside. I pretty much can't smoke in indoor public spaces anywhere. I don't have a problem with that, although I do think that businesses should have a right to decide if their establishment is smoking or non-smoking, as long as its clearly posted both outside and inside. Smoking is allowed in my home and non-smokers have the right to avoid my home. They don't have the right to ask me to refrain from smoking while they are there. And no, I don't need a lecture on this forum or anywhere else.
Retired and visiting as much of this beautiful country as I can.
|
covetsthesun
missouri
Senior Member
Joined: 02/24/2007
View Profile
 Offline
|
Wow. You DO have a sticky situation. I imagine you feel like you are walking around trying NOT to "step in it".
Other Posters are right... it is DH's responsibility to have "the talk" with the newbies. DH is probably going through a mindbending array of emotions and trying not to "step in it".
Everyone is under pressure. That being said... Both you and DH have THE primary obligation and responsibility to protect your family from any and all harmful invasions...be it a rude smoker or a person who is ill and wants to visit.
The "talk" can be done diplomatically and calmly. Restate that DD is highly allergic to active, passive cigarette smoke AND that the scent and smell can and does provoke a reaction. That reaction can mean a trip to the ER if it's stong enough.
Here's the hard part. IF DH will not "man up" and protect you and his kids from his "parents" smoking... sadly it will be up to you.
That's not fair to you by any stretch...BUT... the bottom line is NO. SMOKING IS NOT ALLOWED. PERIOD. ANYWHERE IN YOUR HOME. The "parents" aren't being just rude...they are being supremely selfish in putting their addiction ahead of your family. The fact that they are continuing to run roughshod over the son..speaks volumes as well.
Before anyone "flames" me for my stand on cigarettes.. I was a long time smoker for a number of years. And yes... I too often put my need for cigarettes over the needs of MY family. For which I am deeply ashamed. Thankfully...I saw my error many years ago.
I sincerely wish you the best outcome and the strength and grace to do what needs to be done.
cts
|
|
|
Dave E
Mid Illinois
Senior Member
Joined: 07/28/2006
View Profile
|
first no I don't think its to much to ask if it were to happen here we would say thank you and then throw them outside and then the garbage would get them.. Your DH needs to set some boundaries with them it sounds like they want to buy$$ back into your good graces. No one smokes in my house period, I don't care who they are I will not stand for it, if they even tried they would be told to leave and not come back, I do not want to be around anyone who does not respect me or my family. Life is hard enough to have to put up with some one who does not respect me or my property. I have been known to take smokers jackets/coats and hang them in a bathroom with a fan on since they stunk so bad
If at first you don't succeed--don't try sky diving!!
I'd rather be camping
|
Doug4.7
Hartselle, AL, USA
Senior Member
Joined: 10/02/2003
View Profile
|
anaro wrote:Am I being truly ungrateful...? To be short, no.
|
Opie431
Bellevue, MI
Senior Member
Joined: 06/19/2004
View Profile
|
It is up to your husband to deal with the problem, not you.
And good luck on that.
|
Deb and Ed M
SW MI, USA
Senior Member
Joined: 06/07/2004
View Profile
|
I feel for you - this is quite the tightrope you're gonna have to walk...
Yes, your Hubby *should* be the one to set limits. But if he's like mine - he hates confrontations and simply can't draw those lines. So YOU will get to be the Bad Guy (there's another word; we'll let "witch" come close enough).
Re Smoking: have signs at the doors "Thank you for not smoking". Heck - you could even offer a pail of sand for them when they go outside to smoke. But if someone pulls out a cig - then you gotta step in and say sweetly but firmly - "I'm real serious about no smoking in the house - you'll have to step outside". Of course, if they're like a couple of my ex in-laws, they'll think that nobody can tell that they smoked in the bathroom by turning on the exhaust fan and opening the window...... Good Grief....
Re: excessive gifts. Hopefully as time marches on, these will become more sensible? And you really can't do anything about stopping them from smelling smoky - I'm sure their entire house just reeks. Stuff can be washed/cleaned - or donated to Goodwill.
Hang in there and have a wonderful holiday!
|
taborekle
Clements, Md
Senior Member
Joined: 08/16/2005
View Profile
Offline
|
I agree with the above that it's the DH responsibility to set the limits.
It might not be rudeness on their part but just forgetfullness. I don't see that it would be rude to greet them at the door and at that time remind them that you have a no-smoking house ("but we have set aside this smoking area outside with a butt kit for your use.").
For the gifts that you receive, try the spray fabreeze. There are numerous other odor eliminators. I think you should find one that works for you and then once the in-laws leave, wash or treat the gifts in them, to speed along the de-odoring process. The issue is yours and yours to solve, so I would look at this that you have some work to do to resolve your odor problem. I think it's to much to ask others when their wrapping your families presents in their house to refrain from smoking.
As to the size and scope of the presents, you or the DH need to have a frank and open conversation with them about the limits of gift giving. If they break your established limits, then the next stage should be that you have to reivew all gifts for the children before the kids get them and ok them.
Good luck,
Larry
|
|
|
