Brent and Gina wrote: My thoughts have always been raising my children so that they are able to walk out of the house fully armed for life at 18. Why? Cause that's the legal age and I've been influenced and experienced too by way too kids that know absolutely nothing of responsibility and life at 18. . . . they blossom and display proper behaviors when I extend trust in them and give them responsibility. . . . I think teenagers are not dummies. She will get exposure to things I don't want her to whether I like it or not; whether I bind her tightly or not. I feel the need to arm and prepare her so she knows how to deal with this exposure and so she knows I am approachable when life happens.
We share a lot of the same parenting philosophy.
Me and the DH
Two boys and two dogs (and two cats who prefer to stay home)
2008 Forest River Georgetown 350DS (bunkhouse model)
2001 Honda CR-V
for me it is a hard call. to leave a 15 year old girl alone would nag me to death. I, "I" couldn't do it even if she wanted it and I felt she could handle it. Age 17 is about when I would consider a weekend alone for my daughter.
15 has a permit to drive, not a license. doesn't an adult have to be in the car and they can't drive at night? we got permit rules here. if an emergency came up and she had to drive at night you would be putting her in a bad spot.
so it wouldn't be anything about responsiblity of my kid, it would be I could not leave a 15 year old girl alone. In my mind about 17-18 is when they are into that alone time stage. give them a bit of room. 15 is not old enough in my mind for room to handle days alone.
christopherglenn wrote: If she gets injured, who would take here to the hospital? If someone breaks into the the house at night, then what?
Do you really want me to answer the questions or let them go?
As far as these questions go, I consider them in the category of unrealistic "what ifs" and refer you back to the long post of help out "outs" she has available to her. As this can go on and on, I'll simply ask what you would do if this happened to you?
I'll give you one instance of something that happened to her when she was riding. She was out in the pasture riding as she often does and the horse spooked and threw her. She was alone as usual. We'll define alone as out of sight for a period of time. Now, I think she was 12, maybe 13. She'd been riding alone atop a horse by herself since she was 5 (not out of sight, but in-control alone). So, this ride wasn't unique. She landed on her wrist and broke it. She nursed her wrist, gathered the reins, and walked the horse back to the barn. She put the horse up and notified her mother that she thinks she broke her arm.
So, do bad things happen? Sure. Do horrific things happen? Sure. But I tell you that we parents cannot protect them from every "what if" no matter how much we want to. We can, however, tell them about most of the "what ifs" and educate them as best we can. I don't parent completely as I was raised either. For example, I was driving my two sisters to school in town 15 miles away (when we missed the bus which was oddly way too often) at the young age of 12. No, no license. Just rural small town Texas. I drove and operated a tractor for hours by myself working a farm, plowing, mowing, etc. I was also 12 or 13. I fished and hunted alone since 10 or younger, often all day long, handling shotguns and rifles of various calibers. I rode motorcycles since 5, going off on my own not much older than that. I drove 2 states over to visit grandparents alone when I was 15. I had a full license. I'm not telling you these sorts of things to brag or even justify my position here. I've made my decision. I'm just saying that we should keep perspective and that alot of our kids can handle things we probably don't even imagine. My kids talk to me. I feel that most kids live and understand much of this dark world whether we think they do or not. It helps to discuss it openly and provide them guidance.
FunnyCamper wrote: for me it is a hard call. to leave a 15 year old girl alone would nag me to death. I, "I" couldn't do it even if she wanted it and I felt she could handle it. Age 17 is about when I would consider a weekend alone for my daughter.
15 has a permit to drive, not a license. doesn't an adult have to be in the car and they can't drive at night? we got permit rules here. if an emergency came up and she had to drive at night you would be putting her in a bad spot.
so it wouldn't be anything about responsiblity of my kid, it would be I could not leave a 15 year old girl alone. In my mind about 17-18 is when they are into that alone time stage. give them a bit of room. 15 is not old enough in my mind for room to handle days alone.
Thoughts on this? My oldest was in college at 16, living with buds in house at 17. He graduated HS a year early. She has permit yes. No license till 16. Can she drive at night? Yes, easily. She's a good driver and drives almost every time we go out for quite some time now. The reason is because I know that our kids are at their most vulnerable when they first start driving and that driving is the single most dangerous (realistic) day-to-day threat in their lives. Not only does one have to be cognizant of their own driving ability, but that of others. We, the adult population, are absolutely awful at obeying the law and are often overly aggressive. I also am of the belief that when kids turn 16 and start driving, that they need to start taking control of their schedules albeit monitored. They have extra school activities, they work, they have social agendas, etc. At this point, I have 2 years or less to impart my knowledge and wisdom. Sorry if my answers are long.
christopherglenn wrote: If she gets injured, who would take here to the hospital? If someone breaks into the the house at night, then what?
Do you really want me to answer the questions or let them go?
As far as these questions go, I consider them in the category of unrealistic "what ifs" and refer you back to the long post of help out "outs" she has available to her. As this can go on and on, I'll simply ask what you would do if this happened to you?
I'll give you one instance of something that happened to her when she was riding. She was out in the pasture riding as she often does and the horse spooked and threw her. She was alone as usual. We'll define alone as out of sight for a period of time. Now, I think she was 12, maybe 13. She'd been riding alone atop a horse by herself since she was 5 (not out of sight, but in-control alone). So, this ride wasn't unique. She landed on her wrist and broke it. She nursed her wrist, gathered the reins, and walked the horse back to the barn. She put the horse up and notified her mother that she thinks she broke her arm.
So, do bad things happen? Sure. Do horrific things happen? Sure. But I tell you that we parents cannot protect them from every "what if" no matter how much we want to. We can, however, tell them about most of the "what ifs" and educate them as best we can. I don't parent completely as I was raised either. For example, I was driving my two sisters to school in town 15 miles away (when we missed the bus which was oddly way too often) at the young age of 12. No, no license. Just rural small town Texas. I drove and operated a tractor for hours by myself working a farm, plowing, mowing, etc. I was also 12 or 13. I fished and hunted alone since 10 or younger, often all day long, handling shotguns and rifles of various calibers. I rode motorcycles since 5, going off on my own not much older than that. I drove 2 states over to visit grandparents alone when I was 15. I had a full license. I'm not telling you these sorts of things to brag or even justify my position here. I've made my decision. I'm just saying that we should keep perspective and that alot of our kids can handle things we probably don't even imagine. My kids talk to me. I feel that most kids live and understand much of this dark world whether we think they do or not. It helps to discuss it openly and provide them guidance.
I know...lengthy right?
lol. some people......
It's 2012 - I talk to my kid on facetime, by phone and by text (and can see the interior of my house via webcam if I so choose.) I do this even when someone else is at home with her. If something happens she knows how to call 911.
Not quite ready to leave mine overnight, but we are working towards that goal -- course, mine's half the age of your daughter.
Good luck with it!
2013 Voltage 3905
2012 Ford 350 King Ranch DRW 4x4
3 Lacy Dogs, Kayaks, Polaris Ranger, Fly rods, kitchen sink
HeresLucy wrote: You are one of many people in the world who can't make decisions and over analyze most everything. Spending hours or days talking about a problem and assessing and responding to every reply is not normal.
Go buy the book "Who Moved the Cheese". It might help you realize the benefits of acting vs. thinking, talking, analyzing.
Lucy
And the OP was told to disregard these types of critical comments. I say, very well said.
Never, a 15 year old any 15 year old in not mature enough to make the adult decisions necessary to stay alone for any period of time more than a few hours.
This question is really answerable ONLY by the parents of the child. You know your child much better than we do.
If you're comfortable with it, then that's all that matters.
2000 Ford F350 XLT 7.3L PSD CC 4x4 OffRoad SRW Long Bed
2008 Jayco Eagle 314BHDS (Momma Eagle)
Equalizer Hitch System (1400/14000lbs)
Prodigy Brake Controller
Curt XD Class V Receiver Hitch (1500/15000 lb)
You are one of many people in the world who can't make decisions and over analyze most everything. Spending hours or days talking about a problem and assessing and responding to every reply is not normal.
Go buy the book "Who Moved the Cheese". It might help you realize the benefits of acting vs. thinking, talking, analyzing.
Offline
