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 > Visiting adult children

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botts12

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Posted: 07/10/12 07:33am Link  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

We have been full time for 5 years now. We have two adult children. Our daughter has 7 children our son one child. We travel quite a bit and spend 4 months each winter in Arizona. We get back to visit our children 3 or four times a year for a few days each time. We give them plenty of notice (usually a month) of when we would like to come. If that time does not work we try to reschedule. We stay in an RV park in their town. No problem with our daughter. She always has special activities planned for us to do with the children and plenty of time for us. Our son and his wife on the other hand, always need to do something else when we are there. Mow the lawn, go shopping, play golf with friends etc. Often we are left alone most of the visit. Our son says if we stayed longer (by that he means months at a time) then they would have more time for us. This is not something we want to do as we moved from there to travel, enjoy friends our own age etc.I am wondering how you other full timers handle visits with your adult children.

hallock5

Texas

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Posted: 07/10/12 07:42am Link  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

Our adults sons, both young and neither married, come over and sleep in our rig when we pull up. Sadly, many young ones have fallen victim to the "me first" syndrome.


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rv2go

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Posted: 07/10/12 07:46am Link  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

I understand the daughter willingness to be there. Daughters and fathers have that "special" thing. Son's and daughters in law is something else. It may not be the son...


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PapPappy

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Posted: 07/10/12 07:50am Link  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

Sounds like your son can't plan ahead very well. Maybe he should ask your Daughter how she's able to do it
But, sadly, I think that it has more to do with them not wanting to make the time

Could also be that your Daughter, with all those kids, has learned how to schedule....she's have to So, it's easier for her to put you guys into her days, than you Son....who probably doesn't plan anything.

When my folks would come up to visit from Florida (and they would stay in a motel), we spend the whole days with them. After all, we would only seem them for a few times each year.

This just sounds like an excuse. Sorry.....

When I was in College, and would come home every weekend, I found that my friends who still lived in town, would be busy...and if I could fit into their plans, that was fine, but sometimes, I couldn't. Rather disappointing
But, when I would only come home once every month or 6-weeks, then they would work their schedules around my arrival, and we'd do more stuff together.
I see the same thing, with our Son, when his buddy comes home from the Navy....all plans are for time with Mike.

Spend your time with your Daughter...enjoy the time you do get with your Son and the kid. Depending on the grandchild's age, and your situation, maybe you can even take him/her camping for a couple of days, to give the parents a break....camping locally.....it just might be one of those WOW!! moments for you and the grandkid

One final thought....you might try talking with your son....tell him what you told us, about how it's disappointing that they can't make time in their schedule to spend a couple of days with you.....

Good luck


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Joy

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Posted: 07/10/12 07:53am Link  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

Not to put too fine a point on it, but your son is being rude to say the very least. If you make arrangements at least a month or so in advance, he could clear his calendar for a couple of days. He doesn't want to, for whatever reason. I believe the next time you want to visit, I would ask him to name the dates "so that he can have time to visit with you and not have other activities on the calendar." This will make the point and allow him to make the decision to be with you or not. If it is not "possible" for him to clear his calendar for you in the first time frame you offer, then I would offer another time period. If he still is not willing to do this, I would just tell him you will call again when you are planning to be in the area and "perhaps it will work better for him then." And not worry about it.


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mockturtle

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Posted: 07/10/12 08:20am Link  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

Why not visit your son once or twice a year rather than three or four times? We can make ourselves miserable trying analyze and change other people's behavior or we can just accept it. JMHO.


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amandasgramma

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Posted: 07/10/12 08:21am Link  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

Ditto what Joy says....... there's something about sons ---I think - Mine is the same way. Try not to worry, spend what time you can with the grandchild. Maybe they'll let you babysit for a day or so??????

jnharley

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Posted: 07/10/12 08:27am Link  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

When we are in the areas where our sons live, we let them know in advance. However, they lead busy lives and we accept what ever time they have to spare for us. Sometimes that means we only see them a couple of times during our stay. We are retired and they work and have children to raise so we accept what time they have to offer without complaint. At least we do get to spend some time with them.


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Camper JamesB

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Posted: 07/10/12 08:35am Link  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

How did your son handle you hitting the road? Maybe there is some resentment there that needs discussed? I think talking to him might be the best bet, maybe ever propose coming once or twice a year as said above? I also agree it could be the daughter in law, but you will never know without asking. I am trying to consider this situation from a younger man's point of view, I am almost 30 with a young son myself. I hope you will talk to him and ask his point of view. I don't think hostility is the way to go about it, but a honest sit down talk MIGHT help.

Popsie

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Posted: 07/10/12 08:47am Link  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

We have three sons and a daughter.

Eldest and youngest sons and daughter all live close to each other. When we visit them we usually stay for two to four weeks, daughter takes time off of work to spend with us (actually, it's to spend time with my wife - they do a lot of stuff together, and I go to a movie or dine out with them a few times),

Youngest son works full time and goes to school full time.

Oldest son and his wife both work long hours, but entertain us on the weekends. On the weekends, daughter and youngest son also participate.

Middle son's wife left him for another man years ago. She left son to raise daughters and pay mortgage etc. on only his income. Then she remarried and got custody of the girls. Then son lost his house to foreclosure, and lost his job due to depression, and has totally dropped off the radar screen. We don't hear from him, and don't know where he lives or how he is getting along. We visit granddaughters and former daughter-in-law, and her new husband, but don't get much quality time. Former daughter-in-law and her husband are polite but busy (both work two jobs). Granddaughters are in High School and College, and are very interested in their friends and anything to do with boys, Facebook, and smart phones, but are on different wavelengths from us. (When they were little, they would come and stay with us in the RV and we would entertain them for days/weeks.) Anyway, when we visit there, we don't stay very long. My wife does try to keep up with their Facebook activity, but isn't in tune with the Facebook scene (I hate it!).

I don't think it has anything to do with the RV. One of my sisters lives blocks away from her daughters, and takes care of her granddaughters several days a week. Another sister's daughters live in other states, and she never sees or hears from them or their children.

Live doesn't always work out like we had hoped.

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