You're right KC Creekers that I do indeed know, as a 365 pack a year smoker, how bound a person is to it. I have given up going to restaurants with the new anti-smoking bans now in effect. I won't even get into what I would like to do with all the anti-smoking groups and campaigns. The extreems I would go to in order to satisfy my addiction would shock many and some are a crime but I know this about myself.
Anyway.. that's why I don't smoke in the house or where she can see me doing it. Something that's not exactly nice to do as the temps continue to fall here or when it's raining. Knowing that the smell is still on me I try and keep my distance as much as possible so she isn't confronted with as much as possible. I even keep my cigarettes in my truck with it locked ( keys hidden ) so they aren't in the house to tempt her.
In a perfect world with all things being equal it would probably be easier if we both quit at once. But life on the other hand is rarely fair or equal and as I said it would be a disaster. Not to mention the hate and resentment it would cause if I succeeded and she didn't, I didn't say I was an angel.
I don't think I would have made the choice that she has but such is life. Am I doing all I could by doing the same.. no I'm not, but neither am I doing nothing.. I am doing what I feel I can.
And no I'm not pissed about going outside.. I'm not tickled with it but I'm doing it trying to do what I can at this point in time.
...I lost two great women because of a horrible habit that once controlled me. That was over 25 years ago, it still haunts me today. Those bridges can never be crossed again.......all the regret in the world won't change the outcome.
Mandrake
he ain't heavy..........he's my brother....
I agee that counseling or a different med might be in order. You need to try to calmly talk with her (not to her) and see if the two of you can figure out what the problem is.
You will get through this.
My dh has "quit" smoking so many times that I have lost count. The last time he quit, he was so unpleasant that all he did was fight, with everybody. I was sooooo tempted to buy him a carton of cigs, he ended up doing it on his own.
His smoking causes a lot of problems for us. It irritates me when we go out to dinner, before we go into the restaurant, he has to have a cig. As soon as he is done eating, out he rushes to have one before I am ready to leave. We take a trip, he has to stop every couple of hours to have a smoke. His hands, clothes, breath, always stink.
I think that your wife highly resents the fact that you are still able to enjoy(?) smoking. Your comment that you find it very irritating to have to go outside to smoke, speaks volumes, and I'm very sure she knows, she very much knows how you feel about that. I also think that she is very depressed that she is having these very serious health problems. I do think that you both need to support each other with quitting. Both giving up the smoke habit, both being supportive, and she might just feel better towards you. It will be a struggle for you both, no doubt. But you can do this, for and with each other. You can do this and be successful. Together you will overcome! All the best of luck......................Leslie
I only know bits and pieces of your story that you have posted in this chat board. I am sorry to hear that your addiction cost you so dearly. You are one heck of a man for breaking your addiction and staying clean. Thumbs up to you.
I found breaking my addiction to illegal drugs in my younger years allot easier and simpler than the addiction to cigarettes. My DW was an alcoholic before we met and gave that up cold turkey with no trouble to be with me. ( I despise those who drink and wouldn't marry her till she gave it up. )
I fear, as some here have alluded to, that there can be no peace unless I follow suit and quit now too. I hope that is not the case or things will just continue to decline until it cost us both what we hold most dear.
I don't really think most completely understand the volatility involved to which I refer. The speaking and questions that I posted earlier are being spoke by me. To me very mundane and non aggressive so I don't see how asking if someone has anything they need washed is me asking for a fight.
I have even pointed out those post here in different sections by people that have stopped.. another fight. I have also suggested she come here to talk with others that have stopped for support... nope won't have no part of it.
BigBears2 wrote: Knowing that the smell is still on me I try and keep my distance as much as possible so she isn't confronted with as much as possible.
She may be feeling as though you have abandoned her for your cigarettes, and thinking you would rather have them than her.
Bill, Marilyn, Freckles (Mini Chocolate Dapple Dachshund), Tinker Belle (Toy Yorkie), and Lil' Girl (Cat).
Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!
My wife and I both quit smoking on my 30th birthday almost 8 yrs ago.I smoked 3 packs of Marlboros red a day and she was good for at least 1.5-2 a day.She had it much tougher than me because she doesnt possess the resolve or discipline I do.She was in my face and the proverbial b word for about 30 days until the addiction started to wear off.I was the calm one and she hated that I didnt have the temper tantrums she did.The truth was I was going nuts too but knew if I fell into that failure mentality we'd both be puffing away today.I told her if you started puffing again I would file for divorce and let the chips fall as they may.It wasnt an empty threat either I would have done it the day I found out.I risk my health for no one.
She thanks me today but it was rough for awhile,especially with her family of chain smokers telling her"I'm not giving up my cigarettes for nobody".Two of those people telling her that died of cancer within 3 yrs and a couple more will be in the ground soon because of their addiction.
Your wife is upset because she cant smoke and you still puff away.She is getting tortured by you on a daily basis.I recommend you put an honest effort into quitting and if you choose not to follow through your wife should divorce you.She will either start smoking again or be tortured daily by you so it would be best to move on if you're still puffing.
There is no such thing as "I cant quit smoking".It's more like I lack the personal discipline and resolve to quit or deep down a person really doesnt want to quit.
My comments are strong but after giving up alcohol 13 yrs ago and volunteering as a drug/alcohol counselor in the late 90's I know what it takes to overcome addiction.
* This post was
edited 10/20/07 06:24pm by an administrator/moderator *
2007 Revolution LE 40E 2007 Pontiac G6 3100 lb toad
You don't state your age, or that of your wife's but it is very possible that she is going through hormonal changes, in addition to withdrawal from nicotine. On top of that, it has recently been medically proven that a lot of people with anxiety disorders self-medicate with cigs and/or alcohol, so there may be some underlying problems in one or both of you that have masked for years by smoking. But......aside from all that and putting myself in her shoes, I think I would feel that you cared more about the bloody cigs than you do about me. Smelling your hair, clothes and even the air you exhale would just be salt in the wound. Are there kids involved in this marriage? If not, some time apart might be needed to gain perspective. Good luck to both of you, however this trying time turns out.
Judy & Bud (Judy usually the one talking here)
2004 Pleasure-Way Excel TD
co-pilots, Rosie & Poquita
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