1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube or Kwik Kar when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check or credit card, and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wr ench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss...
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
2 1) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23 ) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Nicely thought out.
However,
Crescent Wrench should be capitized. "Crescent" is a trademark. Similar wrenches not made by Crescent are "adjustable open-end" wrenches.
I know, I know, "common useage".
Also, the coffee at the local Masterlube is free. Where can you find coffee for only $1?
CM1, USN (RET)
'94 Dodge 3500 4X2 CTD, Std. cab, LB, 5 speed, 4.10 LS diff., Jacobs Rambrake, 273,000 Miles
'99 Monaco McKenzie 32' triple slide
'95 Tioga 29H Ford-based Class C
Daily driver: '06 Jeep Liberty CRD
Towed: '06 Jeep Rubicon Unlimited
Yeah once as a kid I worked in a auto parts store, I had this very nice attractive lady come in and said she had lost her 710. I asked her what a 710 was, that I had never heard of that before. She said well come out here and I will show you where it went. I went outside and raised her hood and she stated there see that hole, she was pointing to the top of her valve cover where your oil goes in . What she needed was a OIL cap
Most folks call any "Adjustable open end wrench" a cresent wrench,, Even if it's a Stanley.
I may be a guy.. But when my class A needs oil I drive it to the dealer,, 65 bucks later it is drained, re-filled with Quaker State Syhthetic, Lubed (The man in the story forgot to lube it) and ready to go.. The coffee is free So is the Wi-FI
Nothin adds excitment like something that is none of your business John is Near Kenwood TS-2000 housed in a 2005 Damon Intruder 377
Skid Row Joe wrote: 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube or Kwik Kar when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check or credit card, and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Unfortunately, item 3 should read leave with a not-properly maintained vehicle. Many Jiffy Lubes have been busted for not changing the fluids or filters, but saying they have and charging for it. Always check on their work, or watch them do it.
2000 Pace Arrow Vision, 36B, 2 slides, Ford V10 - Live in it full time
1976 Ford F250 Ranger XLT
2003 Indian Chief
Patriot Guard Rider
Have to go with the ladies on this one. Youngest used to work for the Grease Monkey chain of lube shops. I got his discount and they had fresh chocolate chip cookies to go with my coffee.
Puller: '04 HD2500 4x4 SB,EC Duramax/Allison. Airaid intake, 4in. exhaust turbo back, ORU leveler.
Pullee: '02 Keystone Cougar 276EFS Reese 16k w/ slider.
(map is for current 5er only)
This is very funny... and I haven't had my dh read it yet...I'm sure he's either going to laugh or spit and sputter.... thanks for explaining the 710 part...I was having a blonde moment about that.
I worked in a pharmacy years back and a female co-worker came in one morning and was telling us all in the break room before the doors opened how her car had this really strange noise as she drove to work that morning. So our boss told her that she should check the oil, that it was probably low. He sent the stock guy out to show her how to find and read the dip stick. Sure enough, it was really, really low so the stock boy came in and showed her what oil to buy. So she bought it and went out to put it in. She came back in the store all kinds of flustered because she said that most of the oil spilled onto the ground. The stock boy went out with her to see what she was talking about and she had tried to pour the quart of oil into the shaft that holds the dipstick. Took her quite awhile to live that one down.
Thanks for the laugh..... see ya. C
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