Marriage should be a commitment to SHARE not a sentence to serve. Habit is a terrible reason to be together - love is a great one
The key word here is commitment. That is the main difference between those of us who met and married, whether young or not so young, and then stayed that way. There is no way that any two people can live together an entire life and not have conflicts from time to time. But those who have commitment are determined to find a way to make things work. That is true even if it means that I have to be the one to change.
I met a college girl at Disney Land when I was 18 and she was 19. We very quickly became fast friends and over time that friendship grew into a marriage which took place some two years later. We were best of friends before we were lovers and I believe that to have been much more important. Today we have 45 years of marriage behind us and neither of us can even visualize what life would be like, apart. There is not one person who I would enjoy spending time with as much as with her. It is not possible to be as close in a few years as a couple are who have raised a family, married off the children, buried their parents and all of the other good and bad things which they share. We have virtually shared most of our lives and each has become so intertwined in the others life.
The worst nightmare that we share is the knowledge that one day, one of us will have to go on, alone.
... It is not possible to be as close in a few years as a couple are who have raised a family, married off the children, buried their parents and all of the other good and bad things which they share....
Oh yes it is very possible. My first wife and I did all that (only buried one parent) in 26 years of marriage, but we were never as close as my second wife and I were from day one through the last day of her life 3.5 years later. The same is true with my current wife. We're much closer than my first wife and I ever were.
Living together for a long time doesn't necessarily mean a couple grows closer; sometimes it just means more time to grow apart.
I also salute those couples who sustain a long and happy life together. My parents were married for 65 years and acted like newly weds right up to the end.
A couple does one of two things - either they grow closer together with each passing day or they grow further apart with each passing day. No matter how committed a person is it takes 2 to tango and it takes 2 to make a relationship. My first three relationships all started out with a bang, but with each passing year a little of the bang turned into fizzle until there was simply nothing left. My current one has had it's ups and downs, but at the end of each down it's been stronger instead of weaker. With each passing year the bang gets bigger instead of smaller.
I think no matter how committed people are sometimes it's right, sometimes it's not. To try and force it to work when it's not is an exercise in futility and is the guy sitting outside all day watching the world go by, while his SO stays inside doing whatever it is she's into (I once spent a couple weeks in a spot parked next to that couple). On the flip side of the coin, when it's right trying to move apart is also an exercise in futility, for no matter what you do a moment apart is a moment of longing to be back together. JMHO, but it's a opinion based on experience
John Ewing
2007 Allegro Bus 42QRP ("TisIt")
2005 Sportster/HydraLift ("Dinky")
2002 Miata toad ("Mellow Yellow") www.jandse.com
FMCA 104106
What goes around comes around - always treat others the way you'd like them to treat you.
Hubby and I almost full time, we still have a house but only use it about two months a year.
We've been married ten years, his first was for 37 years, my marriages lasted 1/9/12 years. He's the best so far! But seriously, a marriage where you have no goals in common and lack respect for your partner's view is not much of a marriage. Might as well drive a stake through it's vampire heart and get someone to love who loves you.
Out here, especially around Hildale and Colorado City, you can find lots of guys camping with their second wife. Also the 3rd,4th,5th, and 6th on occasion. The first one comes along too.
Me,DW & Max the Maltese
2005 Nissan Titan, Offroad Crewcab 4x4
FunFinder X-210
Lots of goodies
Third one is the best. 5 years on a sailboat, 2 on a trawler, 1 in an Airstream trailer and 5-1/2 in the Dutch Star. Been in every state, every province and twice to MX. I cook and she cleans up. We have blue jobs and pink jobs and it works well. She is kind of old at 66 but I guess I will just have to put up with it even if I am only 79.
Capt. Bob & Pat (Alaska,Mexico, lower 48 & all of Canada)
Guard Dog, Curly the Cairn & Toby the Lahsa
Dutch Star DP 4097 2003
2005 Sport Trac
Datastorm Motosat (Locator #1974)(Internet & TV
"A moving target is harder to hit."
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But seriously, a marriage where you have no goals in common and lack respect for your partner's view is not much of a marriage. Might as well drive a stake through it's vampire heart and get someone to love who loves you.
