ok this is kind of off topic but you guys have known me as long as I've been HTT'ing and besides it does have to do with my HTT'ing.
For those who don't know, I became a widow after we ordered the Roo23SS but before it was delivered. I have twins, boy and girl , going on 8 now.
I've been determined all this time to learn and do everything by myself (even though my dad and brothers and so on have always wanted to help and occasionally I have let them) but in essence, I've done all the maintenance, towing, hookup, and such alone and minor things the kids can do too. Won't deny that sometimes that hitch head and the bars are heavy especially if it's after a long crappy work week (I am an RN-C, ARNP practitioner in ER and trauma and a flight nurse as well) And sometimes the kids are nothing but annoying while I'm backing in a tight site and all that but in general, we do a pretty good job. I admit I do get plenty of offers at the campgrounds usually to help me (this seems more to be related to hot weather and less clothing? go figure? just joking)
Anyway my questioning lately is this: I started dating off and on last year and have been seeing someone pretty steadily the last 7 months to the point we are talking of possible camping trips together and such. The problem? While he's very intelligent and sweet as can be, he's not "handy" He's a lawyer but his father was a factory worker and he says when he was growing up, his father (deceased now) was impatient and would never take the time to show him or his brother how to do things or help them do things like auto care and home repairs, instead he would just rush and say just let me do it and get it done fast and right. His mother has told me this too and said good luck laughingly. Can any of you out there relate to this?
If I am getting as serious as I think I am, is it always gonna be me doing it all because I can? I think I'm patient enough to teach what I know (I have even re-roofed one of my horse feed sheds all by myself with the kids watching for safety in case I fell) without even shooting a roofing nail into my head or something like that.
I mean, as a man, if you were the one who didn't know all the stuff, would you resent the women who knew and was capable of doing it all (and I'm not one to believe in " it's a man's job" or "it's a woman's job" on ANYTHING) but if there is a man entering my little family of 3, I would expect help and really I do need it as lifting the heavy stuff and some of the other is not the greatest thing to do for a woman (like it or not, these things do affect child-bearing issues and
He has expressed interest in helping but also seems a little overwhelmed at just how much there is to maintaining the HTT and all involved in a trip really.
Do you think perhaps it's just a matter of take it a step at a time and slowly but surely , if he really wants to learn to take over, he will a step at a time?
Would your vote be to say ok, you and me dude, just us 2, we're going to practice all this stuff and you're gonna learn it and spend several days off doing the opening, closing, hitching, unhitching, winterizing, unwinterizing, cleaning, so on and so forth? Or would you vote to just say hey let's go camping, do as I normally do and flip my ponytail holder on and say "Wanna help me with this?" and poing to the hitchhead and say "you might wanna wear those gloves there to keep the grease off that Calvin Klein shirt " or maybe just throw a few Target tshirts at him and say " There's the hitchhead and the bars, that there is the connection for the brake controller, don't forget to put the stabs up and grab all the wheel chocks and undo the shore power to the house here at the last minute, and come inside the nice a/c house and let me know when you're ready" (it gets very hot and humid here outside in summer, I'm not sure he's ever known that much sweat really)
I don't mean to make him sound like a wimp or that he doesn't care, that's not the issue at all. I just am not sure how to help him learn it without offending him since I am so used to doing it all and dang good at it I must say; I don't want to end up doing as his father did when he was younger.
All right, I know there's no real q/a here, but gosh thanks for letting me sort of vent it out anyway.
I'm also sadly starting to consider a TT so I can have a bunk room for the kids as they're getting older, but we love the HTT so much, hate to really start looking. Maybe next year.
- Sarah -
Sarah and 2 little twins,
2009 Rockwood by Forest River, Model Roo 23SS
Southern Indiana, USA
Hi Sarah, in my opinion it really depends on the relationship the two of you have. Assuming he is capable and wants to learn and you are patient and capable of teaching it is worth the effort to teach. It can strengthen your relationship and provide an outlet for your family that you already enjoy. You sound like you have you have your life together and are very self sufficient, so you probably like things done a certain way. It would be better and easier to teach him to do it your way then to just point and ask for help. Of course, only you can determine how strong the relationship is and the personalities, and egos, involved. I wish you all the best!
SATCRNP1972 wrote: Or would you vote to just say hey let's go camping, do as I normally do and flip my ponytail holder on and say "Wanna help me with this?"
There's your answer. Forget the pointing and multiple instructions. Demonstrate... and he'll catch on.
Sarah, Glad to hear you're heading on to happiness again. (from one surviving spouse to another)
If he falls through I want a date!! Just kidding. Teach him how to do it and if he doesn't learn kick him to the curb and keep looking. You have no use for a man who is a liability. With your credentials you will find the right guy.
From a man's side, if he seems to be interested in learning how and really helping, go for it. If he is the don't know it even exists, don't want to know, sits back and lets you do it all type, find somebody else, he ain't your type. I am not the allround handyman, but I can an do try to take care of things, and our 52 years of marriage is because we both try, and are concerned about the other.
Noel and Betty Johnson 2005 GulfStream Ultra Supreme, 1 wife, 1 Poodle
Show him, if he is willing to learn, he'll catch on. My daughter is on her second boyfriend and they are both the same, if it isn't a game on the computer, he's not interested. I taught my daughter alot, camping, fishing, yard work, construction, computers, and auto care. She had to show the boyfriends how to change a tire.
I wish you luck, and i hope he is willing to learn.
In the 7 months of dating, you must have an idea if he is willing to jump in and do things. Not just campin' stuff, but life's normal things. My guess is that adults are wired for what they do - by the time they become adults. If you like what he does, great, if you think you may have to or want to change him, forget it. IMHO.
Don't try to change him. If he wants to learn, he'll do it on his own or will ask for your help, but you'll know.
My dad was the same way........didn't teach us much. I learned everything on my own, from building all kind of things.......doing repairs on my car....Learn to paint and worked 23 years in the airline painting airplanes. I'm now an artist painter in a sign shop......blah blah blah, but it's not about me.
Just want to say that if he wants to learn, you'll find out very fast.
I personally admire a woman who does all kind of things.
And finally Sarah, I'm happy that you found happiness again.
Offline
