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LindaAnn

Columbus MS

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Posted: 10/18/21 08:40am Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

I am so sorry for your loss. It's so very hard to lose a life's partner. I would not presume to give advice, but just a suggestion or something to think about. My first husband passed in 2000 (also after 37 years of marriage). I began writing "letters" to him...if you should decide to keep the RV and take some trips, maybe you could keep a notebook and write to her, telling her what you saw or what you did. I have also painted little red hearts on rocks and left them in places I had wanted us to see together. I hope you can make the decision that you think she would want you to.





ventrman

Mission, TX

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Posted: 10/18/21 02:38pm Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

falconbrother wrote:

My wife of 37 years and RV partner passed away. She and I loved to load up the dogs and go camping. We started in a van camper in 1987.

In 2017 we went together to CW and bought a new travel trailer together. That was the first new rig we ever bought. The plan was to finish her puppy's championship in the AKC and then enjoy the camping. Now none of that will ever happen.

Now I look at that RV and I don't feel any interest in RVing at all. It was fun because it was us.


I would give you some advice that a dear friend gave me when my wife of 18 years died. He said, Greg do something for yourself and do something to change your environment. I got rid of the hospital bed so I did not have to dwell on her being back there suffering and I could do nothing about it. Then I took a trip back to the Yakima, WA area whre I grew up. When I got back to Nashville, TN a friend told me, Greg you look 10 years younger than you did the last time I saw you. Good luck and God Bless!


God Bless!


falconbrother

North Carolina

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Posted: 10/22/21 12:11pm Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

ventrman wrote:

falconbrother wrote:

My wife of 37 years and RV partner passed away. She and I loved to load up the dogs and go camping. We started in a van camper in 1987.

In 2017 we went together to CW and bought a new travel trailer together. That was the first new rig we ever bought. The plan was to finish her puppy's championship in the AKC and then enjoy the camping. Now none of that will ever happen.

Now I look at that RV and I don't feel any interest in RVing at all. It was fun because it was us.


I would give you some advice that a dear friend gave me when my wife of 18 years died. He said, Greg do something for yourself and do something to change your environment. I got rid of the hospital bed so I did not have to dwell on her being back there suffering and I could do nothing about it. Then I took a trip back to the Yakima, WA area whre I grew up. When I got back to Nashville, TN a friend told me, Greg you look 10 years younger than you did the last time I saw you. Good luck and God Bless!


I was with her at Hospice when she died. The nurse said I could go back home. The last thing I was going to do was go home and stare at that hospital bed. There was too much suffering that occurred in that environment. I have returned to work. I pretty much burned through all of my sick leave taking care of her. I still don't know exactly how much vacation time I have left. Nevertheless, I have cleaned out the house of all sickness related items. I haven't decided if I want to continue to work or not. People say I shouldn't make any big decisions right now. Since I don't know my tail from a hole in the ground that seems like a good idea.

pianotuna

Regina, SK, Canada

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Posted: 10/22/21 05:08pm Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

Wait at least one year before you jump out of the frying pan.


Regards, Don
My ride is a 28 foot Class C, 256 watts solar, soon to have SiO2 batteries, 3000 watt Magnum hybrid inverter, Sola Basic Autoformer, Microair Easy Start.

Williamdavis

United States

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Posted: 10/23/21 01:05am Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

The first topic that I read. Sincere condolences for your loss. And also hope you always have fun and continue to be passionate about RVing.

winnietrey

seattle

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Posted: 10/23/21 01:58pm Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

I am a member of the club, wife died two years ago. All we can do is, decide not to die on the same day our wife did. Solider on, one foot in front of the other. it will get better. We must live on, it is what they would want

Working was a great thing for me, kept me occupied. Otherwise would probably gone home and drank myself to death.

Not gonna lie, the road ahead is pretty tough for months, but have faith, the grief will lessen, you will become you again, you will live again and if you desire you will find another to love.

Keep the faith

falconbrother

North Carolina

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Posted: 11/01/21 07:32am Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

winnietrey wrote:

I am a member of the club, wife died two years ago. All we can do is, decide not to die on the same day our wife did. Solider on, one foot in front of the other. it will get better. We must live on, it is what they would want

Working was a great thing for me, kept me occupied. Otherwise would probably gone home and drank myself to death.

Not gonna lie, the road ahead is pretty tough for months, but have faith, the grief will lessen, you will become you again, you will live again and if you desire you will find another to love.

Keep the faith


I guess it's been about six weeks since she died. This "new normal" sucks. But, I'm coming to grips with the fact that what I want isn't going to happen. I have to move forward with a totally new future that I had not planned for or anticipated. So far the single life isn't fun at all. I'm not ready to date but, I still want to have a life, go do things, concerts, movies -n- such.

toedtoes

California

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Posted: 11/01/21 10:30am Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

As a single person, I recommend that you just get out on your own. Start with the movies. Even when you go with someone, you rarely talk during the actual movie. So, head out for a matinee show and just watch the movie. After a few times, you'll realize that it's actually not bad going to the movies alone. You get to sit exactly where YOU like to sit, you don't have anyone asking "what happened?", "who's that", etc, while you're watching.

Once you get comfortable with the movies, start thinking about other activities and how doing them alone can be enjoyable.

Once I started doing this, I found that most things were actually enjoyable on my own. I still love to do things with friends and such, but I no longer depend on having a companion to get out there.

I have since traveled alone. I found the most difficult stigma to overcome was dining out alone, especially at nice restaurants. To conquer that, I started going a bit earlier in the evening to avoid the rush. And I bring a book or journal and read or write down my thoughts about things.

One interesting side effect is that I tend to be more outgoing and will chat with museum staff or waiters or other tourists, etc.

As a woman, I know that there is a wariness towards solo men, but all I can say is to just keep putting yourself out there. I find that the more I talk to people about solo life, the less I fall into the "uh oh, solo man ahead, he must be a serial killer" mindset.


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Both born in Morgan Hill, CA to Irv Perch (Daddy of the Aristocrat trailers)

dedmiston

The West

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Posted: 11/01/21 04:31pm Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

toedtoes wrote:

I have since traveled alone. I found the most difficult stigma to overcome was dining out alone, especially at nice restaurants. To conquer that, I started going a bit earlier in the evening to avoid the rush. And I bring a book or journal and read or write down my thoughts about things.


Not claiming at all that this is the same thing, but I used to travel a lot for business. When I treated myself and took myself out to dinner, I always brought a book along with me (pre iPhone days).

I always enjoyed myself, but I also noticed that the service staff and even people sitting nearby would take pity on a dude sitting alone and reading, and they'd try to engage me in conversation. I always appreciated their kindness and enjoyed the conversations. I really had to retrain myself to be open to it, because there was a big part of me that kept thinking, "I'd really like to get back to this gripping book instead of talking about the weather with strangers". I broke myself of that bad habit and enjoyed their company when people tried to engage me.

Apologies again for comparing my business travel with your newly single life. I realize that they are very very different.


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toedtoes

California

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Posted: 11/01/21 05:09pm Link  |  Quote  |  Print  |  Notify Moderator

My single life isn't new anymore. My ability to enjoy it fully and not feel the need to seek out a willing companion for every experience came later - when I realized how many things I didn't do because "there was no one to go with me".

I think your experience is very similar to mine. I found that being more open towards people and not "hiding away" gave me a richer experience. I learned things I didn't know, I saw things I wouldn't have otherwise. And I enjoyed it more.

I also found that when I go places and do things with a companion, I tend to have a much narrower field of experience. The activity is based more on the interaction with that companion than it is in the actual enjoyment of the activity. When I'm solo, I to focus more on what's going on around me - and a lot of that is because I don't close myself off to "outsiders" like I do when I'm with someone.

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