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jharrelson
Carson City, Nevada
Senior Member
Joined: 01/01/2003
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This is a true story about one of my ancestors..
WAR ODES
DESPERATE FOR SALTPETER NECESSARY FOR THE MAKING OF GUNPOWDER,THE CONFEDERACY SENT OUT AGENTS TO COLLECT DEPOSITS OF IT. THE AGENT IN SELMA, ALABAMA ADVERTISED IN THE LOCAL PAPER:
"THE LADIES OF SELMA ARE RESPECTFULLY REQUESTED TO PRESERVE THE CHAMBER LYE COLLECTED ABOUT THEIR PREMISES FOR THE PURPOSE OF MAKING NITRE. A BARREL WILL BE SENT AROUND DAILY TO COLLECT IT."
JOHN HARRELSON
AGENT NITRE AND MINING
THESE POEMS WERE SOON TO FOLLOW BY THE SOLDIERS ON BOTH SIDES:
SOUTHERN VERSION
"AN APPEAL TO JOHN HARRELSON"
JOHN HARRELSON, JOHN HARRELSON, YOU ARE A WRETCHED CREATURE,
YOU'VE ADDED TO THIS WAR A NEW AND AWFUL FEATURE,
YOU'D HAVE US THINK WHILE EVERY MAN IS BOUND TO BE A FIGHTER,
THE LADIES, BLESS THEIR PRETTY DEARS, SHOULD SAVE THEIR P** FOR NITRE,
JOHN HARRELSON, JOHN HARRELSON, WHERE DID YOU GET THIS NOTION,
TO SEND YOUR BARREL AROUND THE TOWN TO GATHER UP THIS LOTION,
WE THOUGHT THE GIRLS HAD WORK ENOUGH IN MAKING SHIRTS AND KISSING,
BUT YOU HAVE PUT THE PRETTY DEARS TO PATRIOTIC P*SSING,
JOHN HARRELSON, JOHN HARRELSON, DO PRAY INVENT A NEATER
AND SOMEWHAT LESS IMMODEST MODE OF MAKING YOUR SALTPETER,
FOR "TIS AN AWFUL IDEA, JOHN, GUNPOWDERY AND CRANKY,
THAT WHEN A LADY LIFTS HER SKIRT, SHE'S KILLING OFF A YANKEE.
YANKEE VERSION
JOHN HARRELSON, JOHN HARRELSON, WE'VE READ IN SONG AND STORY
HOW A WOMEN'S TEARS THROUGH ALL THE YEARS HAVE MOISTENED FIELDS OF GLORY,
BUT NEVER WAS IT TOLD BEFORE,HOW, MID SUCH SCENES OF SLAUGHTER,
YOUR SOUTHERN BEAUTIES DRIED THEIR TEARS AND WENT TO MAKING WATER,
NO WONDER THAT YOUR BOYS ARE BRAVE, WHO COULDN'T BE A FIGHTER,
IF EVERY TIME HE SHOT A GUN HE USED HIS SWEETHEARTS NITRE ?
AND, VICE-VERSA, WHAT COULD MAKE A YANKEE SOLDIER SADDER,
THAN DODGING BULLETS FIRED BY A PRETTY WOMANS BLADDER.
THESE POEMS WERE DISCOVERED BY PROFESSOR E.B. SMITH IN THE FRANCIS BLAIR PAPERS IN THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS.
John Harrelson
Carson City, Nevada
fulltime since 1977
93 Ford 350 4wd Diesel
95 Prowler 30.5 ft 5th wheel w/slide
TWO CENTS WORTH
The story goes that a man died and was approached by the Devil who told him that he could buy his soul back for a dollar. The man searched his pockets and could only come up with 98 cent. While begging the Devil to forget the two cent he was short, an Angel happened by and hearing the Devil laughing, asked the man, "Would you mind if I put in my two cents ?" The Devil got so mad that he exploded in a puff of smoke and the man's soul was saved.
The moral: Sometimes putting in your two cents worth makes a difference.
JOHN "the cook" 1997
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HiTech
Texas
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Joined: 03/22/2002
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LMAO
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blocker4243
Mi
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Joined: 04/18/2002
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Or, another way to look at it is, " ladies, your p** is my bread and butter".
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